They gave up
by staywondrous
Summary: With everyone in their cliques Evee ends up with the Dixon brothers and looking out for them. She's a firecracker and isn't afraid to speak her mind but that seems to get her in trouble more often than not which gives her a special bond with one of the brothers and puts her at odds with certain upstanding members of our favorite group of survivors we love and hate.
1. Chapter 1

**Thought this was a good place to stop for the first chapter, would like to say I don't own thw Walking Dead all rights go to the creators and AMC. I only own my original character Evee. Please review I love hearing what you guys think.**

I was laying in my tent hoping to get a break from everyone in camp because they all act like we're in high school and I barely made it through once why would I want to do it again? but I knew I had to get up otherwise I would risk a rude awakening from someone else. I put on some shorts, my boots and a half-buttoned, sleeveless flannel over my sports bra and got out of my tent. Everyone here seems to be in a little clique of their own, mostly of families, moms with moms, men with men and the kids with the kids. The only people not in those groups were me and the Dixons. No one seemed to like Merle, the older sibling because he had the mouth of a sailor and Daryl the younger brother didn't seem to talk much at all. I usually hung out with them because depsite what the rest of the group thought they were cool dudes. We all found the group at different places and times and were now camped up on a little mountain that was hidden from walkers. When I was out of my tent I looked around; everyone was in their little groups except for some of the men who were discussing a supply run. I sat on the tailgate of their truck with Daryl who was fiddling with his crossbow as per usual. I sat down and the talker he is gave me a nod in acknowledgement and kept working on his weapon of choice.

" Where's Merle? " I asked.

" He's over there with the cop, volunteered for the run today. "

" Weird. " I said, Daryl nodding in agreement. I layed back in the truck bed and closed my eyes soaking up some sun when I started to feel hands traveling up my thighs.

" Watch it Merle or you'll lose 'em. " I said without looking up.

" Come on sweet cheeks, its the end of the world. Lets do it at least once. " He said hands still on my thighs.

" Oh a man after my own heart. " I sat up. " You must've been beating girls off with a stick with that line. " I said getting a snicker out of Mr. Strong and Silent Daryl.

" Evee, don't be so cold. " He said putting his hand over his heart trying to look like I actually hurt his feelings.

" You're my friend Merle but give up. You'd have better luck with Lori. " I said lowering my voice so only him and Daryl could hear and I got hearty laughs from both this time.

" So you goin on the run? " I inquired.

" Yea, figure it'll keep the pig off my back for a bit and get some good stuff while I'm at it. " He said winking.

" A bottle of Jack Daniels would be godly. "

" Oh yea, what do I get in return? "

" I should have seen that one coming. Nevermind. " I sighed making Daryl laugh again I was on a roll today. Merle smacked him upside the head so I smacked Merle making Daryl laugh even more. Merle was a good sport and chuckled a bit as well. I could feel stares coming from the rest of the camp but I ignored them.

" Hey Dixon you ready to head out? " Shane called out once our laughter died down.

" See ya later sugar. " I hugged him goodbye, gave a kiss on the cheek and told him to be careful.

I sat on the tailgate with Daryl for a while longer watching the guys and the blond bitch go. Andrea had a stick up her ass and whoever put it there made sure it was sideways, Amy on the other hand was a total peach, a little naive but a peach none the less.

" Hey you goin' huntin' today? " I asked him.

He nodded. " Prolly be back in the mornin'. "

" You Dixon's are leavin' me to the wolves. " I sighed.

" Sorry Vee got ungrateful people to feed. " He said hopping off the truck.

" Well I guess I'll stick to women's work today. I'm gonna grab stuff you and Merle need cleaned so hide anything you don't want me to see. " I called out to him cheekliy. He shook his head while getting in their tent to tidy up. After a couple of minutes I grabbed a basket and headed in calling out, " Ready or not here I come. " As I ducked into the tent Daryl was pulling on a new shirt and tossing the old one in a pile in the corner.

" You don't have to do our laundry Evee, you're not our mother. " he said giving me a look.

" Thank god for that, you guys have driven me crazy enough in the short time I've known you. But it keeps me busy and I figured I'd be the only one you'd let wash yer dainties. " I said laughing as he threw a shirt at me that I caught and put in the basket. He grabbed his pack and crossbow and began to walk out of the tent. I cleared my throat. " Ahem, forgetting something. " I said holding my cheek out making him chuckle and give it a kiss.

" Be careful. " I chastized.

" Yes mom. " He joked outside the tent. I smirked while pulling my shoulder length brown hair into a pony tail before picking up clothes on each of the Dixon's tent, making sure I got some of each I went back to my tent to grab some of my own clothes and walked down to the quarry with the other women folk. We all were at the edge of the quarry scrubbing clothes on ye old wash boards which I wouldn't have thought about bringing during this whole ordeal let alone know where to find one. Shane was playing in the water with Lori's boy, the other girls were talking about what they missed before hell broke loose.

" I miss my coffee maker. " Jacquie started.

" Texting. " Amy piped in.

" I miss my vibrator. " Carol whispered getting laughs out of all. I didn't really miss all the normal things because I had never been to attached to electronics all I missed was music. I never went a day without listening to music and I was starting to feel like a junkie withdrawing.

Carol's disgusting husband broke me out of my reverie by being his bigoted self.

" What so funny over there huh? " He asked inbetween sucking down a cancer stick.

" Just swapping war stories Ed. " Jacquie replied calmly.

" Well get back to work woman, them clothes ain't gonna wersh themselves. "

I surprised myself by keeping my mouth shut during this back and forth nonsense and kept scrubbing away at one of Merle's grimy T's when Amy hopped up to give him a piece of her mind.

" Why don't you shut your mouth Ed and keep sucking on cigarettes while everyone else does the work and you sit on your ass all day. "

" What did you just say to me bitch? " He said walking to over to her like a bull seeing red and decided me keeping quiet wasn't gonna work out so I jumped up before he could get violent.

" Hey hey lets calm down here before everything gets outta hand. " I tried to diffuse.

" Get outta my face whore, I'd keel over before I'd listen to the likes of you. Whole camp knows your fuckin' both the rednecks! " he spat at me.

" Watch it Ed I'm trying to play peacemaker here and you're insulting my friends. " I said keeping my cool.

" Shut up! " He said back handing me out of nowhere so hard I was seeing spots. Before I could react Shane hand him on the ground and was beating the snot out of him.

" What you do to your wife and kid is your business but you don't lay hands on a woman when I'm around ya here me? " Shane growled in between punches. Carol was crying in hysterics and the other women were yelling for Shane to stop beating Ed beyond recognition. Watching Shane beat Ed made me like him a little because most of the time he was a total dick but now he was at the very least chivalrous. After all the that drama ensued Carol brought Ed back to their tent to patch him up and everyone continued about their business. As I finished all the laundry I had and brought it back to camp to hang I could feel my face throb and begin to swell. And in that moment I realized I missed ice more than music. It was getting late and the group out on the run should've been back by then. I was hanging laundry and watching the group goings on when a voice came through the radio on top of the Winnebago. I didn't catch who it was but it sounded like Morales or T-dog. They said the group was stuck in a department store in Atlanta surrounded by zombies.


	2. Chapter 2

**I hope you all like this and I want to say sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes, I don't have microsoft word or anything I'm using the notepad on computer and it has no spell check so I do the best I can as fast as I can. Enjoy!**

When I heard that the group was surrounded my blood went cold. I dropped my basket and ran up to the camper with the rest of the group to listen. Amy was pacing and fighting with Shane, Morales' wife was trying to keep a strong face for her kids and I was lost in my brain. What if Merle is gone? What would I tell Daryl? What would Daryl do when he found out? I don't know how long I was out of it pacing back and forth like Amy when I could hear a car alarm in the distance. I went and stood next to Shane.

" Do you hear that? " I asked him trying not to make it sound like I was making fun of his ears (because them things are large and in charge).

" Yea and I'm not happy about it, damn thing will draw walkers for miles. " Shane said before he left me to climb up on the RV to look at what was going on with Dale. A sports car was coming up the mountain straight to our camp with its alarm roarin away like it was ringing the walker lunch bell. The car pulled right up in front of the camper and out comes Glenn grinning like the cat that caught the canary while we've been sitting here pulling our hair out with worry.

" How do you turn that thing off? " Lori yelled over the ringing.

Still grinning Glenn says, " I have no idea. " He shrugged while Shane and Dale pop the hood and disconnect the alarm from the car battery.

" Where are the others? " Amy asked hurriedly.

Glenn's grin came away in that moment to assure her that everyone was okay and on their way. He quickly started talking with Dale about the car while throwing nervous glances my way until a box truck pulled up with the rest of our group, or so I thought. The group all got out of the truck and reunited with their families as I was waiting for answers as to why I didn't see Merle come out of the truck.

" How'd you guys get out? " Lori asked, no one noticing that Merle was missing and me being shocked that no one cared.

" New guy. " Glenn said.

" Yea crazy guy got us out of that hell hole. Hey helicopter boy come meet the rest of the group. " Morales called out. " Guys a cop just like you. " He mentioned to Shane.

Out comes a man in full cop get-up. Shane looks like he saw a ghost and Lori's son Carl runs toward the man yelling " Daddy! " The cop hugs his long lost family.

I cleared my throat more than loud enough.

" Hey! Someone wanna tell me where the fuck Merle is? " I stood firmly with my hands on my hips looking at each member of the group that had returned.

I heard Morales mutter an ' Oh shit. '

" Hi I'm Rick Grimes. " He introduced himself holding a hand out. I mentally scoffed. Even in the apocalypse I refuse to shake hands with a cop.

" Rick Grimes, " I mocked. " I'm only gonna ask you once more. Where. Is. Merle. "

" I handcuffed him on the roof of a department store. " He admitted without the teeniest bit of remorse which burned my britches.

" You mean to tell me you left my friend on a roof for dead? " I seethed.

" He was high, out of control and a danger to the rest of the group. "

" Are you kidding me? He was high big deal? "

" He was indangering the rest of the group. If you can calm down we can talk about this. "

" Theres nothing to talk about! Tell me where he is so I can go get him! " I nearly screamed.

" Evee please calm down, I went back to unlock him. " T-dog supplied.

" And? " I pushed.

" I dropped the key. "

" You couldn't have picked it up? "

" I dropped it down a drain. " He added guiltily.

" Of course you did. I know you didn't like Merle and he was a bit racist but leaving him for dead? "

" I locked the door to keep walkers out. It should last til morning. "

" You must be dumb as them walkers to think I'm waiting til mornin'." I spit back.

"He'll show you. " Lori said.

" She's right I need to go back. " Rick confirmed his wife's sayings.

" Why would you risk yourself for a douchebag like Merle Dixon? " Shane questioned his long time friend.

" Ay Merle, got us some squirrel lets stew 'em up! " We heard called out from the edge of camp silencing our quarrels.

" Y'all done in now. " I said as new guy Rick went to tell Daryl the news. I walked up to them and caught Rick saying, " I offered to take Evee to get him in the morning. "

" You wouldn't have to if you didn't hand cuff him to a roof as walker bait in the first place! "

" T-dog secured the door so he should be fine when we get there tomorrow. "

" Alright first light. " Daryl agreed. Daryl. Fucking. Agreed.

" Are you kidding me right now? " I screamed at Daryl.

" What? " He asked genuinely confused by my out burst and that pissed me off even more.

" Your gonna let your brother, your own flesh and blood spend the night, alone surrounded by walkers? Do you care about him at all? "

" Of course I do but its too dangerous to go out there at night. " He said.

" Its dangerous even if its daytime the sooner we go the better chances Merle has of still being ALIVE. "

" Merle is a tough sumbitch he'll be fine. " Daryl tried to reason away but I wasn't having it. I slapped him so hard in the face his momma felt it six feet under.

" You jackass! " I screamed and whirled around to the cop. " And you cops are just as useless as always. " I stomped off to my tent to pack a bag with some clothes for me and Merle, first aid, food and water and my rifle. I ignored anyone who tried to stop me and searched for Glenn and the car keys to that sports car he nabbed.


	3. Chapter 3

**The lyrics used in this chapter are from the song Second Go all rights belong to the singer LIGHTS.**

**If anyone here also read my Sons of Anarchy fic I want to let you know that once this fic is at the same level I'll go back to Just A Cut. I have the story line all planned out in my head and I just need to type it out really. Also I don't know if I'm going to continue my Hocus Pocus fic so we'll see. Please enjoy this chapter and review! **

**P.S. sorry this chapter took so long I haven't been sleeping which equals writer's block and being unable to focus. also just cut my finger so one less finger to type with.**

" Glenn, I need the keys to the car. " I spoke firm without room for questioning. He gave me the keys not before puting his two cents in.

" You're gonna get yourself killed Evee. Its too dangerous. " Glenn pleaded.

" Like I said to Daryl its dangerous even in the daytime. If you guys can leave Merle for dead the least I can do is risk my life to save him seeing as no one else gives two shits about him. "

I spoke while jacking Dale's bolt cutters for the lock on the door and the handcuffs that dumbass lost the key to. Glenn was shifting back and forth on his heels looking torn and nervous as I put my belongings in the car.

" I'm going with you. " I was surprised to say the least at his offer seeing as he was one of the people that left Merle behind.

" Why?" I asked suspicious.

" Because I realize leaving Merle was wrong but it would be just as wrong to let you go alone especially blind. "

" I'm a little wary but I could use the help. I ain't gonna thank you until all three of us are back here in one piece got it? "l said laying down my conditions.

" Got it. " Glenn agreed and got his own pack and we loaded into the stolen car to start our rescue mission. I let Glenn drive seeing as he knew his way and it could save us precious time we may need once inside the city. My leg was jiggling a mile a minute with my nerves and my hands were fingering the silver cross around my neck praying to God that Merle was alright.

We parked the car along some train tracks and walked completely exposed into the city to get Merle back. We walked the back roads to get as close to the department store as possible. There didn't seem to be any geeks at all and in true cheeseball movie fashion it was quiet but a little too quiet. All the walkers in the city seemed to have dispersed and gone their own ways until we got to the department store. The walkers were everywhere we didn't want them to be; on their way to Merle. Dozens of walkers clogged the staircase that led to the roof. This could be the best or worst thing to happen for Glenn and I. Best case scenario the door holds and distracts the geeks long enough for us to get around the building, up the fire escape and get Merle. Worst case scenario we all die. Sounds like just a regular Tuesday to me.

Once we reached the roof Merle was still there and the door was about to give. As we got closer to my friend reality set in. Merle was passed out, dehydrated, withdrawing and had just cut off his own hand.

" Oh my god. " Glenn said like he was trying to hold down vomit.

I sprinted to Merle ripping off my flannel shirt to wrap around his arm in hopes of keeping him from bleeding out.

" Merle sweetie wake up, please wake up! " I spoke putting pressure on his wound and slapping his face to get him to come to.

" Evee..." Merle rasped.

" Merle I need you to get up we need to get out of here. " I tried getting him to sit up but seriously needed some help. Merle definately had at least a hundred pounds on me.

" Glenn get your asian ass over here and help me! " I cried.

By the grace of God all three of us made it down the fire escape and into an abandoned apartment to shack up for the night.

" Merle the bleeding won't stop. We're gonna have ta cauterize it. " I told him in the most gentle way possible as we set up 'camp' for the night even though there isn't really a nice way of telling someone who just chopped their own hand off that you have to burn the stump up so he won't die. Merle nodded not trusting his words. I put an old fashion iron on the lit gas stove; as it heated I found a wooden spoon for him to bite down on during the trauma that was about to insue.

" Glenn i hate to say this but I don't think your strong enough to hold Merle down. "

" I resent that. " He replied.

" Fine, you don't know his habits well enough to out smart him, how about that? "

" Okay I'll take it. "

" Glenn I need you not to hesitate okay? The quicker this is over the better. " I informed him.

He nodded, Merle was looking more and more flaxen as our discussion went on.

" Alright Merle look at me don't look at what Glenn is doing ok? Just me. " I said and he nodded.

" Will you sing for me? " He asked.

" Of course sweetie. " I said smiling at him and sitting in his lap just so he couldn't see what Glenn was about to do as I sang.

_How many times will the clock go around _

_How many times can my hands hit the ground _

_How many coffins before there's a crown _

_How far will I fall til the alarm sounds _

_How can you love me when I am ugly _

_Guess I can only hope,_

_Give me a second go, _

_Don't let me go alone _

_You saw me at the worst, _

Then theres the sizzle of Merle's flesh along with a smell to make walkers gag but I kept singing.

_You caught me falling first _

_All I wanted to know, _

_Give me a second go _

_No matter the weather there's never a break _

_Conquer a ladder then slip on a snake _

_Cried til my river turned into a lake _

_And I'm wondering now before it's too late _

Merle thrashed and screamed as much as he could with me in his lap. When Glenn was done I lathered his burn in an entire bottle of neosporin and wrapped it in gauze and medical tape. Merle was going to have one rough night but he was not leaving my sight. I stayed up the whole night with him while he was sick and in pain. What the next day would hold only time will tell.


	4. Chapter 4

**After I post this chapter I will be starting on a Harry Potter fic starring the one and only Severus Snape =]**

In the house I found a first aid kit in the bathroom's medicine cabinet so I rewrapped Merle's arm in clean bandages and put the rest in my bag. In the cabinets we found canned fruits and veggies...yum. I kept Merle awake so he could get some food and water into him and aspirin to keep his fever down.

I didn't know puking and hallucinating at the same time was possible until Merle but he passed out before long. Poor thing. I made sure he had a cool cloth on his forehead and a big pot near by in case he had to, ya know puke some more.

Me and Glenn explored the rest of the apartment that looked to have once belonged to someone with a steady job but lived alone. I went to the bedroom turns out it belonged to a woman, score! Any normal person would feel guilty about looking through peoples' belongings but I loved it. Estate sales were my bread and butter because of the treasures you could find. I found a duffle bag at the bottom of a junk closet and started going through the drawers the woman had because it being the apocalypse we all didn't have much, but all I had was enough for two-three days tops if you took out the clothes I stole from the guys. My everyday clothes were one of Daryl or Merle's shirts and pajamas were a pair of their boxers. I had two changes of underwear and two pairs of cutoffs, the end. I really hit the jack pot I got two pairs of cotton shorts, quite a few tank tops, a hoodie, plenty of underthings and some jeans. I honestly wanted to take everything because I left quite a bit behind but there will be other houses to loot so I took what I could carry. I also snatched a pair of sneakers and socks. I shoved all the clothes into the bag and tied the shoes so they hung off the bag.

Glenn stayed in the living room and I stayed in the bedroom with Merle trying to sleep in between helping him get through the night. Somewhere around midnight the brunt of Merle's withdrawal had ceased and we were both catching some z's.

Merle was extremely weak when morning came. I made sure he ate and drank enough fluids because all he can really do is wait it out. When I went to the living room to speak with Glenn about our plan of escape he wasn't there. I did everything I could to keep my mind busy then paced and waited for Glenn's return.

Glenna came back sweaty and out of breath. He must've had to make a run for it but obviously it wasn't too bad because apparently he was lucky enough to find a bag full of guns and get out unscathed. As I got closer I realized the bag belonged to a sheriff what a cowinkydink. I knew I was being hypocritical because if anyone acted the way I was I'd say they were acting like a fucking two year old but I couldn't help how betrayed I felt. The three of us were able to sneak back to the car and make it back to camp no more worse for wear than we were before.

I got out of the car with delirious Merle leaning on my side for support and the gun bag in my other hand before Glenn could make a peep about it. The group gathered when they saw/heard we were back, with Merle no less. Once I saw Officer Dick Grimes I became instantaniously the most angry I've ever been at someone. I threw the bag at his feet when I reached him.

" And I thought people were selfish before all this happened. " I said grimmly and walked away fast, the damn cop had the balls to look crestfallen. I dragged Merle to my tent so he could rest for the day while I took care of some things. I got all my things new and old from the car, dropped them in front of my tent and went to Daryl's to get Merle's things. Daryl being a hunter is usually up at the crack of dawn to go out so I was hoping he was still gone but I was wrong. I walked about the tent grabbing whatever I saw that was Merle's and shoved it into the first bag I found making as much noise as I could. Daryl groaned and rolled over in his cot to see me shlepping about his personal space.

" Evee? is that you? "

I didn't answer just kept on throwing Merle's shit into the bag.

" Evee whats going on? Was Merle okay? " he asked franticly.

" Merle is in my tent resting. He's gonna be staying there from now on; And no you can't see him. " I answer as cold as stone.

" What do you mean I can't see him, is he okay? "

I scoffed. " Oh now you give a shit. Little too late don't you think? "

" Vee come-" I cut him off.

" Merle had to saw his own hand off to get away. He lost a lot of blood and is having withdrawals. I got him back, I'm taking care of him. If he forgives you thats up to him but while he is unable, I make the decisions so when he's well you can talk to him but until then go fuck yourself. " I said as I swung the bag over my shoulder and exited the tent to fill mine up with our belongings. After I tossed everything into my tent and made sure Merle didn't choke on his vomit or some stupid shit like that and made my way to Daryl's truck. I climbed into the truck bed and dug through the saddle bags of Merle's motorcycle and found his stash. On my way back to the tent I grabbed some food for us both having it been a while since the last time we ate. I fed Merle so he had something in his stomach when I gave him some pain meds and anitbiotics.

Three days had passed since Merle was back and I was at his bedside nonstop despite him being well enough to make dirty jokes again.

" Merle, what happened? " I asked softly one night while we were winding down.

" hmm? " He mumbled.

" Why'd Rick handcuff you up there? "

He looked completely broken at the mention of that day.

" I was tweaking, got pissed at the nigger, punches were thrown, I pulled my gun on 'im and Officer Friendly grabbed me and cuffed me. "

The way he sounded when admitting he was basically in the wrong broke my heart in two. I reached an arm around his shoulders.

" Oh Merle, sweetie. "

" I don't need your pity. " He said getting angry and elbowed me in the face. Not soon after did I feel hot tears start to well up but the rusty taste of my blood in my mouth as well.

" Why do people keep hitting me in the face? " I asked to no one in particular as I got up and left the tent before Merle could say anything else. I ran barefoot and crying to sit on a rock curled up in a ball. I heard steps behind me.

" Leave me alone Merle. " I called out without looking behind me.

The steps kept coming though. I turned around and there was a walker coming after me my emotions were raw I couldn't help but fall off the rock in terror and scream until my lungs gave out. I reached for anything I could find and grabbed rocks beyond rocks to throw at the walker which did little to stop its progression. It was just about to jump on me when it actually fell on top of me with an arrow protruding from its 'skull'. I screamed once again. And then passed out.


	5. Chapter 5

**Couldn't work on my SOA fic until my voting closed so I started up on this. Also still processing ideas for a harry potter fanfiction. Song is Nobody's Home by Avril Lavigne. **

I kicked and screamed until the walker was off of me but not of my own volition. While freaking out Daryl had walked up to me and tossed the walker off like it was nothing and tried talking to me but I was still off my rocker. He ended up slapping me across the !

" Snap out of it Evee! " He yelled at me.

I blinked trying to collect my thoughts.

" Daryl? "

" Yea. Its me. " He said.

" Am I ok? tell me I'm ok? " I asked knowing he didn't need me to explain. He checked my arms, neck , legs all visable skin and under my shirt. All was clear. I slumped into his arms and cried with relief.

" Thank you. Thank you. " I kept saying over and over and over into his shoulder.

" You're okay now Vee. Its ok. " He soothed while rubbing my back.

" I gotta get rid of this guy and tell the others. Can you walk? " He asked.

" Daryl I feel like a limp noodle. "

He chuckled, stood up and picked me up bridal style to carry me to my tent. While walking there I fully comprehended how short life was and that I needed to get off my high horse.

" Daryl? " I whispered.

" Hmm? " he grumbled.

" I'm so sorry. " I said completely void of all anger I once held towards him.

" For what? " He asked genuinely confused by my apology.

" For yelling at you and saying all those horrible things. I realize now going after Merle so fast was reckless. I'm still learning things like that everyday even in the apocalypse. I'm sorry I took my frustrations out on you. " I said more tears slipping down my face which made Daryl visibly uncomfortable.

" Yea well I'm used to it. " He shrugged.

I nodded not knowing how to particularly respond to that without making him upset by bringing up bad memories. He set me in front of my tent and went to talk to Rick and the others who embarassingly heard my screams of terror. I was about to go into my tent to escape the humiliation I was feeling when I remembered. I remembered why I was out there in the first place; because of Merle. I peeked my head inside of the tent to see that he had fallen asleep. I snuck inside, put on some of my new clothes, the sweatpants and shirt, grabbed a pillow and blanket to use outside by the fire. Rick, Shane, Daryl and Dale came up to me to ask how I was I said I was fine and went to lay by the fire for the night.

I woke up to the noises of the rest of the group. Thankfully no one was intentionally being loud and it was just time to get up. I shook the dirt out of my blanket and folded it up with my pillow on top and set it in front of my tent with my sweatshirt. It was immature to avoid Merle, I realize him elbowing me was an accident of talking with your hands which we all do but I'm still shaken up and raw from everything. Between getting hit by Ed, getting Merle, no sleep,getting hit by Merle, a walker almost eating my face and Daryl slapping me, I'm not in the right mind set to do anything. I felt so incredibly lost. I was falling to pieces in a matter of days. I was always supposed to be strong for myself and not let the goings on of other people to bother me but I have never been at odds with so many people, at the same time in my life. While I was eating breakfast with the group I kept my face down into my plate and just collapsed into my self. After helping with dishes, I put my gun in the back of my pants and went for a walk to the scene of the crime. Daryl followed me.

" You really that dumb to come back? " He asked.

" I brought a gun this time. " I said hollow. He hmmphed and walked away. I was sitting alone for a long time just staring into space. Then I had another visiter, Carol. After my lame hey Carol cut to the chase.

" Oh honey what happened to your face? " She asked while gently running a hand over my bruises.

I pointed to each bruise and cut on my face.

" Ed, Merle, Daryl. "

" Merle and Daryl hit you? " She asked shocked knowing already that my black eye was from her husband seeing as she was there.

" Merle's was an accident, Daryl did it to help me pull myself together. " I said emotionless.

" are you alright after everything? " The sincerity in her voice and looking at her motherly face brought tears I didn't know I still had to my face. There was a lump in my throat keeping me from talking so I shook my head no and she pulled me into her arms to comfort me. Crying in Carol's arms reminded me of my Mom and how life was and it broke me once and for all. Carol held me for a while and she had to leave because of Sophia or Ed so I sat and thought about things that used to make me feel better before the world fell. I flipped through all memories and objects I onced owned and my life before all of this and the only thing that overlapped was music. Music was my outlet, my happiness, my everything. It was the way I spoke everything in my head and my heart and in the midst of barely surviving I forgot about that. I had a guitar that I kept hidden so no one touched it or bothered me about my music but I hid it so well I forgot I even had it. The best way to rectify her situation was to play for the group and hope they understood all she had to express. She went into her tent and grabbed her notebook. In the notebook she would write lyrics and chords she remembered on random days so she could play them whenever and she knew the perfect song to show everyone how she felt. She grabbed her guitar to sit at the fire with everyone.

" Hey everyone, I know I haven't been the easiest person to be around and I'm not good and saying how I feel 'n shit so I hope you guys will understand after I play this song for you all if thats alright? " I started. Everyone nodded in agreement even though I got a few glares regardless of my half ass apology. My stomach started to roll when I saw that literally everyone was at the fire, including both Dixons. I tuned my guitar a bit between a few test strums, got comfortable and started playing.

~song~

_Well I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,_

_She felt it everyday._

_And I couldn't help her,_

_I just watched her make the same mistakes again._

_What's wrong, what's wrong now?_

_Too many, too many problems._

_Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs._

_She wants to go home, but nobody's home._

_It's where she lies, broken inside._

_With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes._

_Broken inside._

_Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why._

_You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind._

_Be strong, be strong now._

_Too many, too many problems._

_Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs._

_She wants to go home, but nobody's home._

_It's where she lies, broken inside._

_With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes._

_Broken inside._

_Her feelings she hides._

_Her dreams she can't find._

_She's losing her mind._

_She's fallen behind._

_She can't find her place._

_She's losing her faith._

_She's fallen from grace._

_She's all over the place._

_Yeah,oh_

_She wants to go home, but nobody's home._

_It's where she lies, broken inside._

_With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes._

_Broken inside._

_She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah_

_She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah_

Everyone looked aboolutely in awe of my 'confession' so I tried to lighten the mood a bit.

" So uhh any requests? " I asked laughing nervously.


	6. Chapter 6

**Taaadaaa for you my lovelies! I cheated so Merle is the winner! Song is Cruel Cruel by Automatic Loveletter.**

" I guess there are no requests. " I said with my head down trying to ignore all the questioning faces.

"After almost getting my face eaten off had me thinkin' differently. That was the closest call I've ever had with a walker and I wouldn't be here if it weren't for Daryl. And sweet Carol over here consoled me when I was inconsolible which got me thinking about my family and how this is sorta like a family now. I may not like you all 90% of the time but we're all we've got now and I know I'm a bitch and you gotta tell me when I'm being a bitch so I stop." I confessed to the group all nodding in understanding.

" You all don't know much about me and thats my fault. I was a musician before the world ended and it was the only way I knew to bond with people. I'm knew to this whole talkin' thing but bear with me. " I said putting my guitar aside.

Carol, Amy and Dale all gave me big hugs, I got pats on the back from Shane, Daryl and others when Merle stood up looking stricken but whatever he decided put him into action immediately. He strode up to me speedily and squished the air outta my lungs with a hug.

" I'm sorry sugar. " He whispered into my hair.

I wrapped my arms around his neck.

" Oh sweetie its ok. "

" No its not. " He pulled back looking at me fiercly.

" We'll talk later tonight okay? " I said rubbing a hand over his cheek. He nodded and sat down beside me.

" Okay now who wants to request a song? " I said happily.

" What kinda songs do you know? " Sophia's soprana rang out.

" I know lotsa songs hun, here look through here, these are all the songs I remember look through and pick one. " I smiled and handed her my notebook that she looked over with her mother. Sophia picked a song quick and handed me the book back. When I read what song she picked my smile fell.

" Oh Sophia hunny. " I said my hand over my heart.

" Okay this is special request by miss Sophia, its usually played on the piano but I can figure something out. "

_I wanna run away_

_To somewhere far and somewhere safe_

_So scared of this place_

_Cause you don't even know me_

_And you don't even care that I've been lonely_

_And tired of fighting in the den of the lions where I won't even try_

_And in the dead of the night I wait_

_Early morning and I still haven't got some sleep_

_Call me crazy_

_Call me baby_

_You can call me weak_

_You don't even know, no you don't even know_

_That the weight of the world on me_

_I've been there and back again_

_And it seems to me_

_That a promise isn't something you keep_

_And a secret never lasts_

_It only sees what you see_

_Cause it's a cruel cruel ride_

_And if you want to come inside_

_You better sit up and shut your eyes_

_And hold on for dear life_

_Cause if you don't then you will surely lose your mind_

_But I won't_

_I wanna hide my face_

_I wanna find the strength to get through this_

_Oh I know I can do it_

_It's the taste in my mouth_

_It's the nauseousness_

_It's my stomach in knots forming cascades of gunshots_

_Leaving me holding a pen and this page and these words filled with rage_

_In the dead of the night I wait_

_Early morning and I still haven't got some sleep_

_Call me crazy_

_Call me baby_

_You can call me weak_

_Because you don't even know_

_Cause it's a cruel cruel ride_

_And if you want to come inside_

_You better sit up and shut your eyes_

_And hold on for dear life_

_Cause if you don't then you will surely lose your mind_

_But I won't_

_I won't_

_"Hello, can anyone hear me?"_

_"Oh, does anyone know me?"_

_"No, can anyone hear me?"_

_"No, can anyone love me?"_

_"No, can anyone, can anyone hear me?"_

_Cause it's a cruel cruel ride_

_And if you want to come inside_

_You better sit up and shut your eyes_

_And hold on for dear life_

_Cause if you don't then you will surely lose your mind_

_But I won't_

_But I won't_

_I won't_

_I won't_

There were tears in everyone's eyes espcially Carol's. I was so uncomfortable I put my pic in my mouth and to make everyone's night a little better I flipped through my book for a happier song. I played some random song not really paying attention. Pretty much all the kids had gone to bed after my last song and we were all just shootin the shit around the fire.

" Where you going? " Andrea asked her sister.

" To pee man you try to be discreet around here. " Her complaint made everyone laugh.

I had my head in Merle's lap looking at the stars when we heard Amy scream. The rest was a blur.

The next morning we had lost Amy and Ed. I was in my tent packing everything up trying not to breakdown over losing Amy, when I heard yells which could only mean Merle said somethin stupid again but when I came out Rick had a gun to Daryl's head.

" We don't kill the living." Rick said. I started to stomp towards him but Merle held me back.

" Thats pretty funny comin from a man with a gun ta my head. " Daryl sneered at the cop.

They sneered back and forth and said a few more things before Rick lowered his gun.

Merle filled me in on what happened, said Jim was bitten and they wanted to wait til he turned. Andrea was still attached to Amy's body and everyone else was packing up or burning the dead 'men folk' were having a heated deiscussion as to wear we should head next. We all finished packing around the same time and decided to eat before we headed out for the CDC. The decision on where to go was split soley based on the hope that there was a cure for Jim. I rode in the truck with Merle and Daryl and we all started the trek to the Center of Disease Control. On the ride there we all didn't talk much only me making Merle take one last dose of meds. We arrived at the CDC with little to no problems which we realized why when we stopped. The CDC was overrun with walkers, what is to become of our hopes now?


End file.
